Friday, April 29, 2011

Days like these....

 On really good days, Sabina is a cheerful, happy baby. She laughs and giggles when you make funny noises and exaggerated sounds like "Aaaaccchooooo!" It is an incredible joy to see her give us her wonderful and charming smile. I so treasure and cherish the moments like these....... 
"Whenever I see your smiling face, I have to smile myself, coz I love you!!!"

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter!!! It has been awhile since my first post. Unexpected circumstances happened in our household over the past 2 weeks, and then we had a respite during Holy Week which gave us a forced break from TV, Internet, and cellphones. :)

Sabina has been doing well. She had one whole day of zero seizures!! Although only for a day, I am thankful for it. She was her most cheerful, energetic and active self that we have seen in some time. So surely, those seizures zap Sabina's energy big time. Now during a seizure, i count out loud and make it a game for her. Does that sound mean or strange? A game in a middle of a seizure? I figure it might distract her somewhat and if it helps make it less burdensome for her body and mind, then i do it. A mom will do her best to be creative in helping make a situation less horrible right?

I have so many things I want to share, but I will post it one day at a time. In the meantime, let me just say that these past two weeks have been tough. I experienced the betrayal and very hurtful and shocking comments from someone whom I thought loved our family and especially Sabina. And I think, why Lord? Why? After all these, how come more painful trials are added to this journey that is already so difficult as it is? And then the Lord made me remember what happened on Good Friday more than 2000 years ago. All the excruciating pain and suffering that Jesus went through for me, for us and for all mankind. I may not have all the answers to my questions and my own sorrow, but I can take heart in knowing that Jesus LOVES ME!!!!  He died for me!!! And one day, all this will come to pass and the person who hurt our family will be accountable to Him.

But for now, I take deep breaths, cry my heart out, and then hold the hand of my Savior and press on.....

Thursday, April 14, 2011


It has been a month since Sabina developed seizures. She averages about 2-3 episodes a day. Two days ago, she had six episodes. The most she’s ever had. We are still praying and waiting for the anti-seizure medication to kick in.

Watching Sabina go through an episode is hard. You feel utterly helpless and useless especially when you see her little eyes rolling upward. It’s difficult to comprehend that her brain is rebooting every second.

It’s strange though how something abnormal in our life has now become a “normal” part of our daily routine. We expect the seizures to come and go at any given time of the day; and where I used to get teary–eyed as I would count each body jerk, I now take with quiet acceptance. God’s strength working in me again I suppose. The Bible says, when I am weak, He is strong! And yet, deep inside I beat my chest, because I wish to God the seizures would go away!! And I am so sad because these seizures mean that the mito disease is progressing in Sabina’s body.

But in all this, I see the intricacies of a human body that only God could have made. The way the whole body works is so complex that truly only a Great and Awesome Creator could be responsible for how we are made. So with that thought, I take shelter knowing that the Lord knows how He made Sabina inside and out. Each cell in her body and each brain impulse is accounted for, and in His hands. I just have to continually remember and trust in that Truth.

Psalm 139:13-16
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.