I finally got pregnant after more than a year of trying to conceive. My daughter was thrilled that her prayer was answered!! Even more exciting was learning that the Lord did grant her desire to have a sister. (she was with us when we had the ultrasound to find out the sex, and she kept asking -- "so, is it a girl? is it a girl? when the sonologist confirmed it was a girl, she gestured with her arm and fist and said YES!!!!)
Throughout the pregnancy, I had daydreams of two sets of feet running in our garden screaming at the top of their lungs with laughter. I would look at my daughter and look forward to seeing her be a doting big sister; holding her sister's hand while they walked together. I would see two girls in my bedroom jumping and climbing on my lap asking me to braid their hair. I would dream of two sisters wearing matching dresses and bathing suits and filling our home with such girly stuff. I would often tell my eldest that she would make a great big sister as she would constantly talk to my tummy and tell her baby sis that she loved her. My eldest also actually named her sister Sabina. We do not know where she learned of that name, but decided it was a beautiful name for our new baby girl. And so, Sabina it was, as named by her "ate".
Well, as you know by now, those dreams continue to remain just that. Dreams.
Because Sabina is pegged like a six month old baby, our eldest cannot play dolls with her. She cannot hold her hand as they walk together around the house. There are no running feet in our garden except for the feet of our eldest daughter. There are no giggly screams and uncontrollable laughter resonating our walls. There are no jokes shared between sisters or Disney princess movie dates together. In many ways, our eldest daughter still lives like she were an only child.
It saddens me to think how our daughter got her answered prayer, and yet.......
Sometimes, she asks me, "Mom, how come Sabina has mitochondrial disease?" I tell her that I don't know. But I do know that the Lord has His purpose and it is for the best even tho we do not understand. She and I have had crying sessions together many times over Sabina's condition.
However, I am blessed by my daughter because inspite of her sister's disability, she is 1) not ashamed of Sabina. She is proud of her sister and openly shows affection. 2) she loves Sabina so much and prays for her healing everyday. 3) She still finds ways to relate to her baby sister, by either reading a book to her, or finding ways to make Sabina laugh and smile. Sabina on the other hand, adores her big sis and she is the only one who can easily make Sabina laugh and giggle. Even I struggle sometimes how to get Sabina to smile; but if its our eldest who does it, its almost as easy as pie. :)
In all of this, my hope and prayer is that our eldest is able to still see that 1) God is good. No matter what the situation is, God is good. 2) God is in control and knows what is best even though we don't understand. 3) To be thankful in everything.
I don't want my eldest daughter to grow up being bitter with the Lord because of Sabina's disease. I am trying my best to let her see that we still praise the Lord in the midst of the storm. As a result Lord willing, she will grow up to be a more understanding person, a woman who is compassionate towards people with special needs, and a woman who loves the Lord with all her heart. :)
As for me, I still have not stopped dreaming of two sisters who love each other so much, running on the beach, sharing a joke and laughing in the wind with ribbons on their hair. Nothing is impossible with the Lord!!!
Luke 1:37 For nothing is impossible with God.
Jeremiah 32:27 I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?
Precious. So blessed with this. with you, with sophia.
ReplyDeletethis is very touching cands.... our prayers are always with you... you have such beautiful daughters and your strong, unwavering faith is very encouraging and contagious... miss you!
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